March 6th, 2014. Prior to my session with Jerry later in the evening, I had texted my partner about making some cookies with her when I returned from my session. I texted her,
"I'm down to make cookies unless I go through some kind of exorcism or something..."
Ha. The moment I typed that and sent it to her, I was hit with the truth that I would experience an exorcism. I knew it, and I was afraid yet willing. I felt this in my belly. In my will.
When I arrived, Jerry briefed me on what was up in my life. I brought up my fear of success around art, and how I still hold a belief that my work is inadequate and unauthentic. I realize that holding this belief serves me in the way that I hold back my giving from the world. This is not the kind of man I
want to be. This became very clear during our talk. After Jerry and I set the intention for our session, I walked over to his altar and laid down on the table. This allowed me to sink into relaxation prior to the inner journey I was about to take.
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Jerry instructed me to begin breathing continuously, and following my technique that I learned from Maui Jane, I stretched my upper chest as I breathed in and allowed the breath to exit naturally and at its desired pace. My breath became faster, and before I knew it I had deep pain in my wrists. The pain was energetic, like tingling. The pain was also in my sacrum as well. I started growling because the pain was so great and I needed to summon the warrior within to assist me in this journey.I had never experienced a blockage this great in my body in my life.
The pain was like a great mountain, and I had to keep huffing and puffing to survive. However, the joke was that what I was doing in the moment was working up a storm in order to get to the real juice-the sadness. I was holding the pain in my wrists. Eventually, I broke down and had a deep release of grief that came from my sacral center. It was so deep that I didn't break a tear drop when I cried. I'm sure the whole county heard my bellowing sadness.
I started to cough hard from the deep crying eventually. This happens to me anytime I experience a deep release of sadness, it is as if the body, mind and soul is rejecting some thing so deep and toxic within. Once I released the sadness fully, my wrists unlocked and it was as if the devilish, sharp-edged fingertips were released. Relief followed and I realized lots:
- This energy that I am releasing has a life of its own, and IT doesn't want to let go
- I felt lighter, happier, and was breathing more fully
- I felt twitching under one of my eyes and a vibration inside of it
- I felt weak in my wrists
- There is a universally intelligent part of me that sets myself up for great healing; when I texted my partner about the cookies regarding the "exorcism" then following the manifestation of one
After the session, Jerry mentioned that at one point he saw me as a young man, and that I smelled of smoke. He said it allowed particular energies to possess me. Aside from the fact that what Jerry saw was true of my childhood, I made the connection at this time that the pain I was numbing as a kid was related to my shadow belief. This was stored in my wrists.
This session was a landmark of how dedicated I am to moving through the darkness of my past that still holds me down. It takes courage to feel and better yet to express strong emotions especially when they are manifesting as pain in certain areas of the body and won't let up for a while. It was not easy however with the support of God, Jerry, and my inner guidance it was attainable.
MAHALO JERRY!
PEACE
